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Ángeles y Dolores

by bardamu

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1.
2.
Windwalker 04:43
I am walking in the wind as I've done long time ago and I'm hoping that this wind will soon bring you home where is the wind? I have spent alone too many nights on this too big a bed doing time playing guitar while I kept our white cat fed where is the wind? and I know I hurt you baby as you know you made me cry but we both know that forever and a day our love will last
3.
if you ever feel lonely or just wanna chat for a while if you ever feel happy and wanna share a smile you know where i live and you know you can come and even if i'm not home you know how to reach me if you wake up in the night and you're freezing cold if you can get no sleep 'cause you feel you're getting old well, you know where i live and you know you can come and when i'm not home you still know how to find me if you ever feel mad and you want a quiet scape-goat if you feel stuck in the sand and need some help to push your boat well, you know where i live and you know that i'm strong and if i'm not home you know how to get to me well, you know where i live and you know that i'm strong and if i'm not home you know how to get to me
4.
Her two trembling lakes garded by the green wild where the birds all abide ain't what I prefer in her What's best in our dance is that moment we brake and I lay on the side by her side And I blow off the hairs that the sweet sweat has stuck to her chest after we've come
5.
Sometimes you are so very amazing (I mean it in a bad way) Sometimes you are oh so confusing (I mean it in a good way) Sometimes I’m so naïve and childish (I mean it in a bad way) Sometimes I am so very foolish (You know it’s in a good way) But tonight, I’m a put it right Got my ticket, will let you all behind No more grief, no more sorrow, no more breathing this air I won’t set my feet on this land, not again Sometimes life can be so frustrating (I mean it in a good way) Sometimes sleep can be so very pleasant (I mean it in a bad way) Sometimes life with you was cool just like the early snow (I mean it in a bad way) Last time I saw you I should have killed you both (I know you doubt I could) But today, I chose my way I grew back my wings and I’m no one’s toy to play On this trip going west I shall seek my death But not before/until I’ve sung and danced to the last song on earth
6.
7.
Behind these closed doors
 there’s only me and my soul
 and I couldn’t care less
 whether you toast or whether you dance to love, to war, to some god’s forsaken son 
whose mirror lies to his face
 when the weariness outweighs the loss 
and the mattress is no holy place Forget your rituals
 and try to cheat on time 
prepare to harvest the dump
 from the seeds you needed not plant Below the hill where we gaze
 shines a false light where we all hide
 our convictions turned into fright
 therein lies the truth of this play Forget your rituals 
and try to cheat on time 
prepare to harvest the dump
 from the seeds you needed not plant Hither and higher the shadows they fall
 away from the fire, away from the smoke 
faster than any thought we could cling to And after the drought they’ll sure send the flood
 for nothing burns hot like a cut in the cold
 so wither thou goest, but I may not go
8.
Your wooden heart left splinters all over my bruised tongue When I managed to get under your fancy dress of stone I sank my teeth in your heart and all I found was sand So when you started bleeding soil it came as no surprise For a pilgrim is no conqueror And a harvester has to let things go The current keeps on flowing but it doesn’t know it’s spread And the wise man still wants us to drink from the sink of yesterday I never thought I’d come this far to find my long-lost home I guess it only does take time to turn flesh into bones And bones into dust And love into lust My ancient walls of reluctancy came slowly tumbling down Like the shelves of books of philosophy that gather dust at the lost & found And all the knees once bent for me were but a cloud in the mist And well down went all the hairs and necks that I ever pulled and kissed When you called my name from the other side And I felt your hands surrounding mine
9.
The bottle was left empty And so was I to you When I undid your bra in the dark The night I did not see through You asked me not to kiss you I did it all the s(h)ame And sucked the poison off your lips To have a most pleasant death I gave you all my poems You expected something else I hopped for a beginning And you gave me a rare end Then you sat on my chair To gently comb your hair I lay in my own bed close-eyed Suffocating in your smell When you asked me “so now what?” I answered “you stay close” But I’d never find the keyhole For the lock on your vault
10.
If I could have a wooden house With a table under a tree I’d live there with my cat and my mouse And on the floor I’d sleep If I could lie to you again I’d say you’re sweet as honey And maybe then you’d like to stay And do-do your dance for me If I could play the violin I’d surely be a star But then I’d have to peel off my skin And show the world my scars If I could see the future now I think I’d throw a party To celebrate we’re going down We might as well be happy If I could dive into your love To rest my soul inside I guess it’d take me far too long To ever say good-bye

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released April 1, 2021

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